Distracted

Distracted.  That was me for most of the weekend.  It was a blessing!  We had dinner Friday night with friend.   Cleaned the house Saturday morning while Walleye fished, then Walleye and I painted his new-used shed and went to another friends' for dinner on Saturday night.  Yesterday we finished the second coat of paint on the shed, went to a movie and shopped for flowers.  It was just what I needed to keep my mind busy and not think too much about if I could be pregnant. 

Saturday when I was cleaning I had to restock our jars of cotton balls and q-tips that sit on the counter and when I went under the bathroom sink to find the stash of both I found sitting right on top of them was an HPT.  It took ALL I had NOT to test right then and there.  I so badly wanted to.  So.badly.wanted.to.  But I refrained.  My goal is to wait until my appointment on Wednesday but I just don't know that I can....

Having never been a regular gal I am not certain when AF would be considered late for me.  Last month CD1 came on CD34 of the previous cycle.  I have some friends who get theirs every 28 days like clockwork and other friends who vary by a few days.  Today is CD28 for me.  I so badly want to run home after work and take one.  But then I think last month AF arrived on CD34 - that's another whole 6 days.  I can't really wait that long, well I could but I don't think I'd be sane at the end of it!

But to be completely honest part of me is scared that it will be negative and I will be crushed.  I am still pretty certain it didn't work this time but as much as I hate this waiting I sort of like the idea of there still being a possibility and taking an HPT and having it negative would crush that possibility. So part of me wants to put off testing as long as possible...

You'd think work would be a distraction...but in fact I think it is exactly opposite.  Probably because I sit at a computer every day, all day long, and in an instant can be consulting Dr. Google...which just feeds my insanity.