Distractions needed...

Duckie got his results back on Friday – one of the three lymph nodes had cancer in them.  Not what we were hoping for but at least cancer wasn't in all three of the lymphnodes they removed, right?!?!  He meets with the Dr on Wednesday to discuss their plan of attack.  I haven’t talked to him and it’s killing me but it was pretty obvious in his email he wasn’t ready to talk yet so I figure I will call him on Wednesday.  I wish I wasn't two hours away from him…

We are half way through the 2WW and it’s getting harder every day.  Today I had a blood draw to check my progesterone.  I see the Dr on June 8…but that seems like an eternity away – especially with Walleye gone on his annual fishing trip with his Dad for the next few days. 

I had a very vivid dream that I had a baby boy.  I wasn’t pregnant in the dream and I didn’t dream about the birth but rather it started with us pulling into the driveway bringing him home from the hospital.  I don’t remember much else but that he had a mint green nursery.  I played the “what if” game a lot in my head this weekend.  I wish I wouldn’t because I feel like I am setting myself up for a huge disappointment but I just couldn’t help myself. 

Timing would be so perfect, I know this is not about MY timing but rather HIS timing, but if it did work this month we would be able to tell my Mom and Dad for their birthday’s in August, Walleye’s Mom for her birthday in August, do something fun to tell my Dad’s side of the family at the Annual Family Picnic in August and tell our wedding party in a fun way at our annual Wedding Party BBQ.  I’ve got so many fun ideas planned…like I said I just couldn’t help myself.  I didn’t share this with Walleye as he hates when I get so far ahead of myself because he knows how hurt and devastated I’ll be if it doesn’t work. 

On the same note, I’ve also started to convince myself that it didn’t work because I am so good at knowing when other people are – sometimes even before  they know.  I just get a feeling.  I just know.  But I haven’t gotten that feeling about myself…and you’d think of all people "myself" would be the one person I’d just know about. 

I am starting to drive myself crazy…I need to focus on something else for the next 9 days….

Quick Post

I decided to take the afternoon off today - for no reason other than it's the friday before a long weekend, campus is dead and I just plain don't feel like being here!  Our internet is down at home so blogging will be a bit challenging until I return to to work on Tuesday...GRRR! 

Praying, praying, praying for Duckie today.  (Another reason not to be at work - I can't concentrate on much as I keep getting sidetracked thinking about Duckie's appointment today.)  Hoping the results show the cancer has not spread.

Kind of in a stooper about this cycle today.  In the shower this morning I started crying becasue I had this overwhelming feeling that it just wasn't going to happen this month.  *Sigh*  The ups and downs of IF continue. 

Heading out now to make a rhubarb dessert for us to enjoy over the long weekend!

This-N-That

I’ve noticed a few things in the last day or so that I think are side effects of the trigger shot.  For one, I am C.R.A.B.B.Y.  And for no reason at all and all the time.  No matter what I do I can’t seem to shake the crabbies.  And unfortunately, most of it is directed towards Walleye. 

I also have had the munchies – much like I get a little closer to AF’s arrival – but usually I don’t get them until less than a week before.  And usually I am craving chocolate and junk food but these munchies don’t crave anything in particular and nothing seems to satisfy them. 

And my anxiety levels have been creeping up  - I am anxious about just about everything and anything.  Especially the potential government shutdown that could happen in MN come July 1.  I am a state employee and I am not sure if my job is considered essential (I tend to think not but don’t want to ever say that out loud!) and not having my paycheck would make things tight, not to mention our insurance is through my job.  So then things start to worry me that if this cycle and June’s don’t work will we not be covered for the July and forward cycles?  And would I be able to collect vacation pay or does that stop too.  What about unemployment?  Hopefully in the next few weeks before July 1 our legislators get it figured out.

On a positive note my butt cheek is no longer tender and I haven’t randomly cried for no apparent reason.  And I think I have officially beat the caffeine withdrawals without giving in once!  I haven’t had a headache in quite a number of days!  I so badly wanted a Dr. Pepper the other day – it, in all its 23 flavor glory, is my all time favorite pop after all - but I reminded myself that it doesn’t come in a caffeine free version and I no longer wanted it! 

Tomorrow Duckie meets with the Dr. to review the biopsy results from his surgery last Friday.  Praying all looked good and the cancer hadn’t spread. 

I feel silly being sooo consumed with this cycle when there are people out there like Duckie, who are facing much more serious illnesses or the victims of the storms the last few days. 

Going slightly crazy already!

Yesterday was a weird day for me – body wise.  For a good portion of the day I felt immense pressure in my abdomen and ovary area.  It felt like I had a huge fart built up in there or like there were numerous balloons being blown up causing all the pressure.  It would go away and come back and wasn’t really painful just uncomfortable.  It was odd.  By early evening it had pretty much subsided. I was still a little tender in there but not bad.  I don’t know if that was me actually feeling ovulation – but that seems strange too.  Or if it was just some strange coincidence.  I got a little worried that maybe I was experiencing hyper ovarian stimulation and consulted with Dr. Google but the symptoms didn’t really seem to fit.  I also had about a half hour where my ears inside felt extremely hot and fuzzy  - like they do when I get a fever.  But it was only for maybe a half hour.  Not to mention my butt cheek was (and is) still sore.  I am probably just hyper attuned to every little thing my body is doing right now and then over thinking it every little thing.  That is totally my M.O.

I also consulted with Dr. Google about the best time to TIC after the shot because our Dr didn’t give us specific orders like the previous Dr. had.  Previously we were told the night of the shot, then 12, 36 and 48 hours after the shot.  The second time we were told 24 and 48 hours after the shot.  This Dr said so long as we did so at least every other day.  Well the internet said in numerous places that ovulation typically occurs 36 – 40 hours after the hcg trigger so TIC is best around 36 and 48 hours after the shot.  Which would mean 36 hours would have been about 5 am this morning so after some “what do you think we should do?”, “I don’t know, what do you think we should do?” back and forth we finally decided on late last evening and then right after work tonight.  We had the night of the shot too.  So I don’t know…hopefully our timing will be ok.  I tend to over analyze EVERYTHING so I am sure it is fine but I was starting to have a little anxiety about it all yesterday. 

I also had my 6 week post op meeting with the surgeon’s assistance and I am now completely brace free!  I have PT to do until I don’t feel I need it anymore – she said I’d know when I didn’t need it anymore.  She did scold me for still wearing my brace – I told her that it was Walleye’s fault because he didn’t think she really meant it when she said I didn’t have to wear my brace all the time and only for sure at night so he would yell at me whenever I wasn’t wearing it. Yeah for no more brace!!!

How in the world does anyone survive the 2WW?  I am already driving myself nuts and it’s only been 45.5 hours since the shot! You’d think work would be a good distraction but not so much when you spend 99% of your work day at a computer in a job where you have free reign over the internet.  I have found myself bringing up more and more to Walleye things like “well if we ever get pregnant” and “if it works this time” I just hope I am not setting myself up for a huge, unbearable disappointment in two weeks if it’s a BFN.  I just can’t help myself though – I’ve had such an optimistic feeling about this cycle ever since the day AF arrived.  I just hope I can keep it a somewhat guarded optimism. 

My poor left butt cheek...

I woke up Sunday a bit sore and stiff from painting all day on Saturday - especially (and surprisingly) my butt, mainly the left butt cheek.I think it was due to bracing myself on the ladder and all the squatting.  Well yesterday it was feeling much better...until about 5 pm when I got the hcg trigger shot.  The darn nurse shot me right in the left butt cheek...my two previous hcg shots had been done in the thy and arm and never got sore or tender after.  But I have come to the conclusion that both being sore from painting and especially being sore from the shot are worth it...the room I painted at my cousin's farm turned out great and hopefully they shot leads to a baby! 

I am ever more frustrated with this Dr's office.  I had my u/s at 7:20 am yesterday and the techs (who were wonderful) seemed to "get" that the results should be read right away by my Dr and weren't going to dilly dally with getting the results to him.  Well I told myself I had to have patience and couldn't call my Dr until after 3 pm if they hadn't called me.  I know they don't return phone calls after 4 pm so figured if I gave them until 3 that was pretty good.  I also knew that the size my follies were pretty close to trigger time so time was definitely of the essence.  Well 3 pm came and I had a mini panic attack about calling them and appearing too needy or impatient.  Finally about 3:30 I called and left a message - which the receptionists aren't overly friendly and always make you feel bad for calling and leaving a message.  So my nurse called me back within 10 minutes and said "Hello Sunfish.  What can I help you with today?" and I said "I am trying to set my work schedule for the rest of the week and was wondering if I will be needing to make any additional u/s appointments or set up a time for the trigger shot?" and she sat there for a second and finally said "Um, wait, what are we..." and trailed off to silence and I said "I had my first u/s monitoring this morning and was wondering if Dr. E had a chance to review the results yet." and she said "oh, just a minute" and a few seconds of silence "oh I see the results are here.  I just need to have him review them.  I'll call you back shortly."  I said, in an extremely nice voice so as not to show how completely frustrated and near tears I was "Thanks so much!  I appreciate it."  Seriously?!?!  Are you kidding me?  What if I hadn't called to check up on things?  What if the results sat there for a few days and I missed our trigger window.  Do you know read my chart or take the time to figure out what patient you are calling before calling them?  I'm irritated and frustrated.  So 4 pm comes and I leave work for the day and put my cell phone in my purse (stupid move) and of course she calls back as I am walking to my car and I don't hear it ring.  Well she leaves me a message that Dr. E reviewed the results and everything looked good so we can trigger yet today (meaning Monday) or tomorrow (meaning Tuesday) and that she thinks we've talked about this before but that my shot can be picked up at the north pharmacy.  So I immediately call her back (not 4 minutes from when she left me the voicemail) to let her know I had my shot with me and would like to trigger right away and a nurse takes a message and said she'd put it on her desk.  Well I figured I'd quick run to pick up my dry cleaning and if I didn't hear back from the Nurse I'd just head to the clinic.  Sure enough I didn't hear back from her so I headed to clinic. When I got to the clinic I explained that I didn't have an appointment but had received a call from the Nurse that I could get my shot.  They had me sit down and not 2 minutes later the nurse comes out and asks me if I had my shot with me.  I said that I had grabbed it before heading to work that morning in case the u/s showed I was ready to trigger.  (apparently she didn't see the message on her desk).  So she took me back, gave me my shot and sent me on my way - with a note to get blood work for progesterone levels done on 5.31 and a follow up with Dr E on 6.8.

I asked if they had started the referral to the Dr in the cities and she said they hadn't and that she knows the Dr gets a few weeks backed up so she could if I wanted.  I reiterated that was exactly what I wanted as we didn't want to chance waiting or missing a cycle if this cycle didn't work.  She said they'd either contact me about setting up an appointment or she would and then said she could set up an appointment for me.  I said whatever worked best and would be the quickest to get an appointment set up.  She seemed really confused as to which was the best way and said she'd get started on it.  So if in a few days I don't hear from either I will call her to follow up.  I'm sure they don't want to lose a patient (or the money they get from a patient) but it was my Dr's idea to refer me to the cities Dr.  I feel like they don't the urgency and that we really want to keep moving full steam ahead and not miss another opportunity.  I don't know.  I'm frustrated.  I'm irritated.  I'm tired of the confusion working with this Dr and his Nurse.  Of course, as with anything IF related, nothing is easy!  Why oh why can't just one thing be easy about this?  Praying this cycle works so we don't have to worry about it...

So here we are...not quite 24 hours post shot, doing TIC and waiting...the waiting is going to be the hardest.  Dr E said we really can't test for 3 weeks - really?!?!  I thought it was usually 2 weeks...so we will see come the appointment with him on 6.8 what he says as that's just over 2 weeks from the shot.

Praying a miracle happens in the next few days....

2 over 20!

Had my u/s this morning and they tech told me I have one over 20 on each side (I can't remember the exact sizes) and the left side has one about 14.  (I am shocked by the left side as I think the last few times it's been the lazier of the two.) Both sides have numerous 10 or under.  YEAH!  I am thinking that means the shot should be anyday now.  I can't wait to hear from my Dr as to when we can do the shot and talk to him about which Dr to go to next month if this month doesn't produce a BFP.  I want to keep things rolling as I don't want to "waste" another month from changing Drs.  Thank you God for two great sized follies!!!

Duckie's surgery on Friday went well.  They removed three lymph nodes under his left arm (poor guy is a southpaw like his favorite sister) and did quite a long incision on his back to remove teh rest of the mole but the surgeon told my Dad everything went really well.  Duckie should find out the results on Friday (if not before).  He has a follow up with the Dr then and I am assuming a discussion about what's next.  I got to spend a few hours with him and my parents on Saturday, so that was nice.  It was reassuring to see him and see how great of spirits he is in.  Thank you God for making the surgery go well and for him not being in too much pain. 

Heading to Caribou to get myself a cinnamon roobios tea!  I have been craving one ALL weekend! 

Cinnamon Roobios Tea

My bro, who I think I'll refer to on this blog as Duckie, had his dye test done yesterday.  It was supposed to be done in the morning but got pushed back due to an emergceny - not sure what emergency but eventually ti did get done.  The test was inconclusive.  They will do several biopsies tomorrow.  The test did show that the blood flowed to the lymph node under the arm and some other place but they told him that doesn't necessarily mean its cancer, its just where the blood is going.  ????  He was to be at the hospital by 6 am for surgery this morning but haven't heard anything yet.  I don't know how long it will take or when we will know the results of these biopsies.  I am not sure why I am at work today - I am not able to concentrate on anything and really wish I was down there with Duckie.  But I know when he gets out he's going to be groggy and sleep most of the day and I don't want him to feel like he has to stay awake for me.  So I will just have to learn to be patient and wait to see him tomorrow, and in the meantime offer up lots of prayers. 

The caffeine headache is about gone.  I have been rather tired lately though - in fact I just closed my office door and took a quick 20 minute nap at my desk. I skipped my northern lite decaf mocha this morning and tried cinnamon roobios tea (a caffeine free tea)...and actually liked it!  I like the spice of it.  I did add two packets of splenda but I could probably get used to drinking it without the splenda.  It is about half the cost of the mocha (I suppose I could buy some in the store and it would be even cheaper!) but the best part is it fits even better into WW than the northern lite decaf mochas!  :) 

I suppose I should actually try to get some work done...I am just having the hardest time being here today.  Maybe it's a good day to clean my office, which I thought would be a good project for when I first came back from surgery but it never got done. 

Thank you

Thank you to all who commented that you will be praying for me, my borther and my family.  (And to those who may read and are praying but haven't commented).  It so appreciated.  I am sending lots of prayers up today and warm thoughts to my brother as he has his dye test today.  I am not sure when he/we will find out the results but I hope, especially for my brother's sake, that it isn't too long. 

Caffeine headache is almost gone today!  Woot!  Woot!  Might still get myself a decaf coffee.  :)  Today I am feeling something in the ovary area - every once in a while.  I sure hope those are follicle "growing" pains!  I am looking forward to Monday's u/s (really, only an infertile would be looking forward to getting wanded!) to see if we have any contenders. 

Thanks again for the prayers!

Caffeine Withdrawal and other random things

I read somewhere that caffeine can inhibit the grown of follicles so I decided to cut all caffeine and am now paying the price for that...I have had the worse caffeine withdrawal headache yesterday and today.  Like working in my office in the dark because the light hurts my eyes bad.  I am not sure if that is actually true but I figured if by some miracle this cycle actually works and we get pregnant I’d have to give up caffeine anyways so why not do it now. 

I will admit once I found out that Caribou can make my northern lite turtle mocha with decaf that’s what sealed the deal!  I just wasn’t sure I could live without my coffee (although for the sake of my waistline and wallet, I probably should).  I know there is a trace amount of caffeine but hopefully it really is just a minute amount. 

Tomorrow is my brother’s dye test on his lymph nodes to see if the cancer has spread and then Friday is surgery.  I am going to go to my parents on Saturday morning for a quick visit – he is staying with them for a few days.  I am hoping and praying all goes well and that it hasn’t spread.  I am going nuts with the waiting, I can’t even imagine how he’s feeling.  St. Peregrine pray for him. 

My novena to St. Rita is going ok.  I am trying to pray it at the same time every day but today it was a few hours later.  Not sure if that matters.  And day number two I got interrupted and never finished it until the next day so not sure if that matters or not either but I am trying!

I have an u/s on Monday morning to see what size my follies are!  Praying for decent sized ones!!!  Praying this is THE cycle.  I am unusually upbeat about it and extremely optimistic…which is odd for me.  I usually don’t let myself go there but this time I just can’t see to help myself.  I have ben able to keep myself from obessing about it though – which is good.  A thought will pop into my mind and I won’t shoo it away but I won’t dwell on it. 

WW is not going very well this week…last night I had dinner with a former coworker who was in town from Malaysia and I was bad and ordered the bedda chedda burger when I should have gone for a salad or at least got veggies instead of waffle fries.  Then this afternoon we had an impromptu birthday lunch for my brother-in-law (sans gf and her brood of kids- thankfully!) at a mexican restaurant and I got the pollo fundido – all that fried goodness and cream cheese topping couldn’t have been low in points.  Tonight I am meeting one of my besties for supper at California Pizza Kitchen.  Eek! But at least last night when Walleye cracked open the sherbet I refused because even thought it sounded good I wasn’t hungry.  (Gotta find a positive somewhere, right). 

I am looking forward to seeing my parents and brother this weekend.  I am also going to be able to see my neice and nephew…it’s been only 4 weeks since I saw them last but I am going through the worst withdrawals of those two munchkins. I just adore them and I can’t wait to see them!  And their Mom too.  And I get to help paint!  I love to paint at their farm.  Oh do I love to paint!  I just hope my hand is up for it.  Speaking of my hand I go in for my 6 week post op with the surgeon next Tuesday!  I can’t believe it has been almost 6 weeks!  I also can’t believe how easy it’s been…I know it wasn’t major surgery but for someone who’s ony other surgery has been wisdom teeth it was kind of a big deal.   

Cake for Breakfast diet and Weightloss

Oh the emotions Femara brings on!  I am normally rather emotional, however, Femara usually ups it a bit…well this month is no exception!  In fact it’s worse!  I am pretty positive it is due to the fact that I am taking twice the Femara I have in the past.  I have has some mood swings and a few funks but the most noticble thing has been the crying.  For no reason. 

Yesterday as I was driving to meet a dear friend of mine and her two sweet little boys I just randomly started crying.  I have no idea why.  When I would tell myself to stop crying and that I was crying for no reason my mind would wander to the fight Walleye and I had the night before or to my brother or that there was traffic on the interstate or to the fact that our friends S & M had their baby the day before.  My mind was bringing up anything remotely rational to cry about whenever I’d try to get it under control.  Seriously, that’s gotta be the Femara!!!  Has to be!  All day long the dumbest things would make me cry. 

I will say I held it together really well when we went to visit S & M and their teeny-tiny baby at the hospital.  I just could not get enough of him.  I held him for most of the hour we were there.  I did get Walleye to hold him – generally Walleye doesn’t hold tiny babies.  I think I got him to finally hold my nephew when he was 13 months old!  I guess he did hold Baby D (the baby of one of Walleye’s good friends) when he was about 4 months.  It was so cute to see him holding baby T.  Visiting really wasn’t so bad…on Saturday I was glad that Walleye was fishing (It was Fishing Opener here in MN this weekend so he was out on the lake with a line down at 12:01 a.m. on Saturday with a few buddies) so I had an excuse not to go visit S & M in the hospital and was completely surprised when Walleye suggested on Sunday that we visit them later that afternoon.  I was prepared for it to be hard but it really wasn’t.  And surprisingly I didn’t cry!  I didn’t even tear up…you mean to tell me I cried over a little traffic on I94 but not that…

After visiting them Walleye and I went out on a mini-date night (out for supper at a sit-down restaurant).  I did get a little sad there – I kept thinking about my brother and what this week means for him and then I’d think about how important this coming cycle is and how badly I want it to be a successful cycle.  Then I’d feel guilty for even thinking that my cycle mattered when my brother could be up for the fight of his life.  Oh the joys of Femara.

On the bright side I am down 3 lbs since last Monday.  God only knows how I did it since I was on the “Graduation Cake for Breakfast every day last week” diet.  I thought for sure when I got on the scale this morning that I would have gained but I surprising lost.  And I had a ton of Caribou coffees (granted they were the Northern Lite Turle Mochas and not the full fat, full sugar version) last week – and even had cake for lunch dessert a few days too.  I am pretty sure the fact that I was very active last week and not sitting my butt on the couch every night and all weekend was the key factor…and unfortunately not the cake.  (Oh how heavenly it would be if cake really worked!)  So now I am down 24 lbs since September – almost back down to what I was in February before the ice fishing and BockFest weekends completely derailed my WW.  Maybe this will be the little nudge I need to start following WW more religiously. 

Novena

As I was stalking through blogs yesterday (yes, I still consider myself a stalker since I don't comment near as much as I want to...still a little shy to), I came across a post about a novena to St. Rita, and I am feeling compelled to pray this novena.  I have been praying to St. Rita ever since I came across this blog a few months ago and then my Mom happened to email me one day about a month or two ago asking if I knew of St. Rita and figured that was yet another sign I should pray to her.  Well when I came across the post yesterday about the novena to her and it ending on her feast day I figured might as well try.  Then when I noticed that her feast day is the day before my first monitoring ultra sound for this next cycle I felt even more compelled to pray it. 

We still haven't made a  final decision about the Dr situation because I've decided to throw another Dr into the mix of contenders...another fellow blogger mentioned she really liked her Dr in the area so am contemplating adding that one into the mix as well.  Oh the decisions! 

I think it has hit me a bit more today that my brother has cancer.  I think I was in shock yesterday.  I worry about him (well I worry about everything but this even more so) and I pray it hasn't spread to his organs.  He's a fighter though.  He fought cancer (Hodgkins, I believe - but I can never remember if it was Hodgkins or non-Hodgkins Lymphoma as I was pretty young at the time) about 25 years ago.  He is just so special to me, I don't know what I would do with out him.  I hate living 2 hours away from him (I know it could be worse).  Even though there are 10 years between us we are still pretty close.  We are so similar in a lot of ways.  We really "get" each other.  I just feel so bad for him that he now has to go through this.  He's had a rough couple of years - long story short his long-time, live-in girlfriend cheated on him and it was a messy break up and really hit him hard.  He finally seems to be coming around from it and bam, cancer...again.  I guess all I can do is pray for him, let him know I'm here for whatever he needs and just try not to worry so much, especially not until we know how bad it is.

Emotional Day

The meeting with the Dr went ok.  Well I guess actually better than ok.  He seemed very genuine with his apology for the lack of communication for the last cycle.  We talked through a plan for this cycle.  He upped my femara to two 2.5 pills per day.  My progesterone was at 11 - he said that's a little low as he would like to see it in the 15 area but it's not horrible and that upping the femara should help.  i go in for my first u/s on 5.23 then depending up where my follie are at go for more or do the trigger and the TIC one we do the trigger shot.  Then a progesterone test about a week after the trigger. He also referred us to a Dr about an hour away.  Reason being is we are still contemplating the IUI but he won't have any kits until September and IF we do it we don't want to wait that long.  Only thing is now we aren't sure if we should go to that Dr or the Dr one of my coworkers goes to - both are in the same town so about the same distance away.  I just don't know if which one to choose.  Part of me says go with the one Dr E referred us to because he knows him and has  aworking relationship with him but then part of me is drawn to the Dr my coworker uses.  I just feel she has had to successes with him and both times have been relatively "easy" (if you can anything about IF and IF treatments is easy).  But we need to make a decision tonight as I want to get hte ball rolling with the new Dr now so we don 't miss next cycle (IF this cycle doesn't work). 
It's been an emotional day...on top of the whole IF Dr visit I found out today that my brother has melanoma.  They don't know yet if it has spread but he is about in the middle for seriousness - they said a 2.  He has surgery a week from Friday to remove the cancer, biopsy his lymph nodes and take any out that they may need to.  I talked to him tonight and he seems to be doing pretty good, attitude wise.  He said he knows he can't obsess about all the "what ifs" right now until he has more information and answers as it will just drive him crazy.  Please God, let him be ok.  Please don't let it have spread into his body.  Please continue to give him strength. 

Are we seeing the right Dr?

Tomorrow we are meeting with the new Dr (Dr. E) again.  This will be our first meeting since the lack-of-communication-cycle known as April 2011.  I am hoping that I can speak my mind but if not Walleye will be there to speak up.  I am so not confrontational - I'd rather just sweep things under the rug and move forward but I think this is one of those times when that's not the best option. I am also an extremely emotional person so I just know if I bring it up I will start to cry - then I get frustrated that I am crying and I cry even harder and the cycle goes on and one and the more I try not to cry the more I cry.  Walleye isn't as much of an emotional person and can handle things like that better, thankfully he will be coming to the appointment with me.

A few months back I was working closely with one of our designers at work on a project and we got to talking about babies and what not and turns out we both suffered from IF, PCOS specifically.  She shared her story with me and that she had been going to the same Dr I had been but was so unimpressed and frustrated with them that she finally asked for a referral to a new Dr.  They gave her one and her first month with that Dr she got pregnant.  She highly recommended that Dr and Walleye and I were going to move there once our new insurance kicked in but my new regular physician wanted me to try Dr E first. She said if after one cycle I didn't like Dr E she'd write me a referral to anywhere I wanted - even my coworkers Dr.  Well my coworker called me today to tell me she was pregnant with baby #2.  (We work in completely different buildings so it's not as easy to just walk to one another's desks) She was so nice and sweet about it - she said having been there she wanted to tell me before I heard it from someone else or saw that she was starting to show.  (I actually had seen her last week at the coffee shop on campus and thought she might be pregnant again but didn't say anything).  I am beyone thrilled for her!  She also wanted to let me know how wonderful her Dr is and if we hadn't found a new one that we should really consider going there.  She didn't give me specifics but she led me to believe that it didn't take many cycles for her to get pregnant again.  Now I am wondering if we should even continue with Dr E.  I suppose we might as well for this cycle since it's right on the doorstep and that I could get things started with the other Dr in the meantime so if this cycle doesn't work next cycle doesn't get lost in transistion from Dr to Dr. I just have so much hope with the other Dr.  Knowing that my coworker has had luck rather quickly twice with him, that we have similar problems and that she was older than me both times (in her 40s!).  Oh how I wish we would have just gone there in the first place...

CD1

Today is CD1.  I am more thankful than upset by this.  You see, she came without the assistance of Provera and to me that's a great thing.  I had an idea she'd come as my ta-tas were sore, I was emotional, I was hungry and eating everything in site and today I had a headache. 

We have a meeting with the Dr on Wednesday so I should find out my progesterone levels from the test last week and we should set the plan for this cycle. I just hope i can stick to my guns and actually tell the Dr how I feel about his office's lack of communication and what not.  I'm sort of a big talker when it comes to confrontation so hopefully Walleye will be able to come with as he is not afraid of confrontation! 

This and That

Not much new...just waiting for the next cycle.  I went in on Monday to have my progesterone levels checked but haven't heard anything back so I am assuming my Dr is waiting to review them with us on our 05.11.11 appointment.  Either that he hasn't taken the time to review them yet...which wouldn't entirely surprise me either. 
I finally didn't gain anything last week but unfortunately I didn't lose any weight either.  I am having the hardest time getting back on WW.  I keep telling myself I'll start tomorrow or next Monday or after lunch but then that deadline comes and I find a new one.  I wish I had better will power!
Starting last Friday I noticed my ta-tas are getting sore again.  Hoping that means I will get AF without drugs this month!  I also must be getting a little emotional, which is par for the course for me, as we watched Toy Story 3 on Sunday and I bawled and bawled at the end! Walleye couldn't help but laugh at me!
I had a physical therapy appointment on Monday and not only did I meet all my goals but I exceeded two!  I am recovering so well that they don't need to see me back there unless it starts getting painful or I start to lose mobility.  I have to massage vitamin E oil into my scar three times a day and need to keep watch on the swelling.  Then on 5.23 I start another batch of exercises.  I also see the surgeon one last time on 5.24.  I really can't believe how easy this surgery/recovery has been!
I thought I would be dreading Mother's Day this year as I was so hoping to have a baby or be pregnant but luckily I have to work that day.  It is commencement at the University and I am in charge of one of the receptions so it will be a busy day.  I am a little sad I won't be able to see my Mom but we will do a combined Mother's and Father's Day in June.