Haircut & Color

What does "Haircut & Color" have to do with blogging about infertility...well for one, this blog will mainly be about my struggle with infertility but it may also be about other things in my lIFe...however, this time "haircut & color" really does have something to do with my struggles.  You see, tonight I am getting my haircut and colored.  I get easily bored with my hair and decided after the great perm debacle of 2010 to never to anything that drastic or damaging to my hair again!  I don't want to cut it short as I have worked hard to grow it long and not to mention the last time I cut it short the first thing my then boyfriend, now husband said to me was: "Babe, what happened?".  Granted he had no idea that on a complete whim or being utterly bored one day I called up, got an appointment, and had 7 inches cut off my hair into the "Posh bob".  So back to haircut & color.  I am pretty positive my stylist is going to tell me she is expecting tonight.  M is the wife of one of my husband's friends and through that has become a friend of mine as well.  She's great fun and we get along wonderfully.  She and her husband got married 4 months before us and have been trying for a baby ever since.  About two months ago, actually a little over two months ago, we were on our way to a mutual friend's bachelorette party and I got this overwhelming feeling that she was pregnant but also trying ourselves I was sensitive to always being asked so decided against it.  Then every time I saw her after that I got that same feeling but never wanted to ask.  Last night the phone rang and it was M's husband calling to talk to my husband about ice fishing this weekend.  The entire time S (M's husband) and Walleye (my husband) I kept thinking "this is it, he's going to tell Walleye that they are expecting" but I never heard Walleye congratulate him or say anything that would involve M being pregnant.  So he got off the phone with S and I asked what he wanted and Walleye said "not much" and I said "oh, I thought for sure he was calling to say M was pregnant".   Walleye ended up telling me that one of his coworkers, and a mutual friend of M's and mine, got her haircut by M last week and M let it slip that she was pregnant and of course this coworker/friend told Walleye right away.  I am so happy for them!  I really am but it was extremely hard hearing it.  I don't know how to explain it or why it hit me so hard.  They had been trying longer than we had and I know they will be great parents.  I am not jealous, which I thought for sure I would be.  I am just sad.  Just curious when it will be my turn.  If I will ever have a baby.  It just plain hurts. It hurts so much I am dreading getting my haircut and colored tonight.  So much so I even contemplated cancelling but I am not going to.  I am going to suck it up and go and pray to God I don't have a breakdown.

Admitted Blog Stalker

I have to admit that I have been stalking blogs for a few months now and decided it is time I try this bloggin' biz-nass out for myself.  Beware...I ramble and sometimes I am all over the place but please know I will try my best to stay on subject - at least throughout an entire sentence....

My husband and I got married just over a year ago and immediately started trying for a family.  I had an incling that this would not be easy as all of my lIFe I have been extremely irregular - getting AF just a couple times a year.  For the most part I was fine with that - what woman wouldn't be prefer AF a few times a year instead of every month?!?!  I come from a family where you only went to the Dr. if it was a lIFe or death situation and even then it was hard to go.  I think too subconciously I didn't want to hear that I wouldn't be able to have children or something crazy like that.  All my lIFe I dreamt of having a huge brood of kids...in fact in one of my first job interviews after college the prospective employer asked me if he called me at 3 am, woke me from a dead sleep and asked what my dream job would be what would I say.  My answer was a very honest one...to be a stay-at-home Mom of eight.  (I didn't realize that probably wasn't what a potential employer wanted to hear.  He hired me but told me after that I should say something that is creative and unattainable and that employers most likely won't want to put time and resources into a potential employee only to have them quit once they have kids.  Ever since my asnwer to that question has been to be a Vikings Cheerleader!).  Anways...after a few months of trying and no success I finally broke down and agreed to bring it up to my gyno.  She knew my history as I had been going to her for numerous years and referred me to the clinics Infertility Specialists, sugar coating it by saying she didn't think I was infertile and that they'd prescribe me Chlomid and I'd be pregnant in no time. 

Long story short I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cycstic ovarian syndrome) and then the "fun" began....