Girl Time!

While Walleye was up north four wheeling with some buddies this past weekend my sister came up for a little girl time. 

It had been a while since she got to spend any quality time with Lucky.  For the past 7 months every time we have seen her there's been so much going on and so many other people vying for time with Lucky that she's gotten a little cheated on time with her favorite (and only) niece.

And to be perfectly honest I invited her up for me too - we hadn't had any good sister time together in longer than I can even remember. 

It was a nice, very low key girls' weekend.  Exactly what we all needed. 

We lunched.

We shopped.

We played.

We napped.

We talked. 

(Even Lucky talked - well about as much as a 17 month old can who has around 15 "real" words in her vocabulary but millions of "baby" words!)

It was nice.

What a year...

The last year has been the hardest year of my life.

We are continuously fighting fires – just as one is reduced to embers burning itself out another one springs up. They’ve ranged from one alarm to five alarm fires. 

It started the week after Lucky started daycare in June.  Walleye left on a canoe trip with some buddies up to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area and would be gone for almost a week with no way for me to get a hold of him and I was on my own completely for the first time with our three month old.  Of course Lucky got sick – really sick.  A late night trip to the ER, a couple trips to the doctor and urgent care.  Little sleep.  Lots of freak outs and phone calls to my parents.  By the time he got home she was happy and healthy again.

That was the start of Lucky’s fevers.  One, after another, after another.  They started out a month apart and then started to get closer and closer together.

Mid-summer I had to make a very hard personal choice – give up dairy or give up breastfeeding.  Lucky had a milk protein allergy.

Late summer Duckie, my big brother, finished his year-long, three times a week interferon shots only to find out they hadn’t worked.  A few weeks later a seizure at work and he knew it had spread and spread to his brain – as well as other places.  The outlook didn’t look very good.  But there were treatments, well not really treatments as it was made clear he would not go into remission, but a brand-spankin’ new drug that had seen great success at prolonging the inevitable. 

Fall the ear infections started for Lucky.  She’d barely get over one and another one would pop up.

Then mid-November Lucky got sick.  Not just a fever or ear infection but a fever with projectile vomiting, sensitivity to light, swollen glands in her neck, stiff neck.  A trip to her Pediatrician resulted in us being told to get Lucky to the ER as fast as we could and to have someone to sit in back with her and watch her during that 5 minute drive.  ER visit #2 ending in numerous tests, including a spinal tap and an admission into the pediatric unit of the hospital.  She stayed there for four days. Lots of possibilities thrown out but the Doctors ended on “just a viral infection”.   During this same time Walleye and myself got pretty nasty colds.

December came and Duckie was on this new super wonder drug.  A super wonder drug that wasn’t working. He needed to decide on a new course of action – two options, he chose the one that could be done at his hometown hospital.  Lucky was still battling fevers and ear infections. Walleye had to have surgery that kept him out of work for a week.  Three days after Walleye’s surgery Duckie was to start a new chemo at his local hospital. Complications arose and we got a call no one ever wants to get.  The call was to get back home as quickly as possible because the Doctors didn’t think he’d make it through the night.  Well he did but it was clear there wasn’t much time left.  A week later he passed away.

Christmas – Lucky’s first but also our first without Duckie.  The service just 3 days before Christmas.  And of course another ear infection for Lucky.  And then a ruptured ear drum.

2013 – a new year.  It’s gotta be better than 2012 (with the exception of Lucky’s birth – that was the bright spot of 2012).  For 8 whole days (with the exception of Lucky getting tubes in both ears) it appeared it might just be an easier year.  Then my Great Aunt, my Dad’s Godmother and last living older relative, passed away.  More fevers for Lucky and a trip to see a specialist at Children’s Hospital in the cities.  Tons of blood draws and numerous tests later no answer except “an immature immune system” and that she’d probably outgrow the fevers.  BUT she did not have a milk protein allergy but rather an egg allergy.  And a very, very slight dog and cat…which I have had my two cats for 10+ years. 

OK maybe February will be better…for a few weeks it appeared to be.  Whew.  Oh wait – that sigh of relief was too soon…my Mom ended up in the hospital, released only to be back in the hospital a few days later.  Another phone call saying we needed to get home as soon as possible.  Things were bad, not quite as bad as Duckie, but bad.  There was talk of nursing homes, of hospice, of the end being very near for my Mom. 

Then a transfer to the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion.  Slowly but surely she started to get better.  She was released to a nursing home to get stronger before reevaluating whether or not she could go back home. 42 days later she did go home. 

Of course there were a few fevers in there for Lucky during this time.  Plus trying to clean out my brother’s house and get ready for his estate sale.

During all this we had to find a new daycare and fight off Mother Nature’s relentless winter.

Mom made it home and Lucky went over a month without a fever.  We thought for sure nothing more could or would happen.  We thought if we could just make it through the Estate Sale at the end of April things would get better.  There wasn’t much left to happen that could be worse.

We had finally found a fantastic daycare.  We were thrilled – even though we knew she took the summers off and had to find a temporary daycare.  We felt it was work it because she is that good.  After a few weeks we finally found a temporary one we felt comfortable with.  Things were looking good – like it could be an every summer and back up daycare for us.

The day before the Estate Sale Walleye, Lucky and I were heading to my parents mid-afternoon.  It was a beautiful, spring Friday afternoon!  Warm!  Sunny!  Gorgeous!  Helped make the realization that we were having to let go of the last of my brother’s things that weekend a little easier.

We were driving eastbound on a highway, five minutes from my parents.  Traffic was moderately heavy but we were all going at a normal pace.  We approached an intersection that is known for being somewhat hairy and Walleye let up on the gas as a car started turning from the westbound lane right in front of us onto a perpendicular road.  For a split second a huge sigh of relief because that could have been close.  Until the car directly behind it decided to turn as well.  Right in front of us. This time we weren’t as lucky.  I don’t’ remember much between that first car turning in front of us and my not being able to get my door open after the crash. 

I remember the crash happening very slowly.  And like I was watching it on the big screen of a movie theater.  I remember the sickening crack as we t-boned the other car’s passenger side.  I remember pushing the airbag away, trying to get my door open, screaming “I need to get to my daughter” and after what felt like an eternity finally pushing my door open just enough to get out.  Then I saw Walleye carrying the carseat over with a very mad, very frightened Lucky.  As I tried to call 911 Walleye pulled Lucky out of the car seat.  She seemed to calm down.  I finally got through to 911 – I don’t know what was all said except I was so very confused as to how the operator knew where we were.  I got off the phone and grabbed Lucky. 

We all seemed for the most part to be OK, even the idiot driver who made a left hand turn into oncoming traffic because we were in her “blindspot”.  (Which I think she was texting and saw the car in front of her go and just went without looking but because no one saw her the cops can’t get a search warrant to check.  But at least she got a ticket and it’s officially her fault and we aren’t responsible for anything.)  Cops arrived.  They tried to cancel the ambulance but I insisted.  I wanted Lucky checked out.  She was only 13 months old and can’t say if there is anything wrong.  And Walleye and I both had pain from the seat belts and airbags.

I know Duckie was working OT in heaven as not 15 minutes before the crash I looked back at peacefully sleeping Lucky (who was still in a rear facing infant seat) and she had somehow managed to wiggle an arm out of the restraints.  She had never done that before.  Thankfully I was able to fix it before the crash – who knows how much worse it would have been had I not noticed. 

In the end thankfully no one was seriously hurt.  Lucky came out of the whole ordeal the least affected – with the exception of nightmares that started the night of the accident and happen ever so often ever since.  For the past two and a half months Walleye and I have been going to physical therapy and the chiropractor but all very minor compared considering we had been in a head on, t-bone crash.  We’ve been dealing with all the inconveniences of finding a new car, dealing with insurance companies, time off work for appointments, etc.  But we will gladly do those things knowing we were very fortunate.

The sale went OK.  We’ve cleaned out the house – donated all unsold items.  The house has gone back to the bank.  So hard knowing that we can’t go back to Duckie’s house.  We can’t go play a game of pool in his shed or drink a Schell’s beer with him.

In June, almost a year to the date of Lucky’s first fever she got another one.  This one turned out to be the start of walking pneumonia – which as awful as this sounds – was “nice” to know why she had a fever.  That there was a cause this time. 

Then I got walking pneumonia – but much worse than Lucky did thanks to an idiot, ego-centric PA who didn’t listen to me when I told her about my symptoms and how they were so identical to Lucky’s walking pneumonia ones and how I was sure that’s what I had.  Nope, the PA just thought it was viral and told me to rest for a few days and to call back if things got worse.  When I did she reluctantly prescribed me antibiotics and gave me a lecture that it was still almost certainly just viral.  I started feeling better one and a half days after starting the antibiotics. Of course I happened to get sick at an extremely busy time at work and had to develop presentations for my Dean to take with on a trip to Europe with the University President and the Governor of MN. 

And of course being sick and a huge work project wasn’t enough – we also had to deal with starting Lucky at a new daycare only to find out when I picked her up on her first day that they were being investigated for child abuse and neglect.  Then the next day the provider’s license was revoked.  We had to find a new temporary daycare and find one fast. And Lucky is in that age range that is hard to find open spots right now. 

A week or so after I got sick we were all feeling good.  Lucky started her new temporary daycare and really seemed happy there.  Things were, for the moment, relatively calm at work.  Maybe, just maybe, things would finally be turning up. 

We had plans to go to my parents for what would have been Duckie’s 47^th birthday.  We were supposed to “spread his ashes” and spend the weekend with my parents and sister but Lucky got sick. Again.  This time with tonsillitis.  Again, as much as I hate to see her sick it was somewhat a relief to know “what” she had.  After a few days of rest and some meds she back to her normal, healthy, happy self again. 

And here we are almost 13 months after Lucky’s first fever…hoping and praying that things will get better from here.  I’m just not sure what else could happen and how much more I can take…