This weekend was hard. Really hard. I was overly emotional, hyper-sensitive and just plain crazy. I was really beginning to worry that 7 days after stopping with Provera AF hadn’t shown up. I wondered a few times if it was a miracle and that I would test and get a BFP but then every time I thought that I would convince myself that I am not that lucky and it was really because I have dried up and will never be able to have children.
So I was dealing with all that and then my husband’s friend’s wife asked me to host a tastefully simple party at my house – she would do all the work if she could have it there. Trying to be the good wife and try to be friends with my husband’s friend’s wife (let’s call her S) I said yes. A couple problems…I am a planner…a planner with OCD! She is not a planner…she does not have OCD. I like to know who is coming and when. I like to have my house spotless anytime anyone comes over. I like to be sure to have enough food and beverages for all attending and get any special drinks for my guests. But she didn’t tell me any of it. I didn’t know if she was making the food or bringing the ingredients or even beverages. I didn’t know who she had all invited and who was coming. I didn’t know what time she and the consultant were showing up. So Friday night I did some cleaning, ok more than some! Saturday morning I woke up all tense and ready to go and my poor DH woke up and wanted to cuddle but I was too on edge and not ready for the party that afternoon. So after a little spat and plenty of tears from me I got everything in order, ran my errands and waited. She showed up about 20 minutes before the party was to start and about 10 minutes after it started when our one mutual friend (let’s call her M) showed up she said that was all that was coming. Really? All that work for one person – not that I was happy to see her or our mutual friend but it just seemed like too much work for not enough return.
On top of all that both of these friends (the second one is also the wife of my husband’s friend) had babies about 4 months old. They both got pregnant right around the time of our wedding…in fact we even joke that S got pregnant the night of our wedding. Well anyways they both brought their adorable infants – which I am so glad they did as I hadn’t seen either baby since October when we had our wedding party over for a BBQ. (Both their husbands were groomsmen in our wedding). But then the consultant was also a Mom and all day, for over three hours the conversation was 95% about babies, pregnancy and kids. It was hard. Just plain hard. S asked me after if I was doing ok and apologized that it was so much baby talk and really I’m glad it was and that they brought the babes but it was just so much harder than I thought. Probably because I was so over emotional – oh and AF showed up that morning.
I was so overemotional that that evening when DH final got home from ice fishing and he asked me how it went I burst into tears and just started bawling. Oh and back up…right before the party my husband, S’s husband and I were in the kitchen, I had made them some lunch and their mutual friend (the husband of my stylist) showed up (they were all three going ice fishing) and made the announcement that they were expecting. I knew it was coming. I was ready for it. But it still stung. I am super happy and excited for them but it was just another thing to deal with on Saturday.
OK so Sunday was supposed to be a super fun day! My cousin (and really good friend and like a sister to me) K and I bought tickets to go to a Viking’s game with our husbands. We were stoked! We were going to tailgate before the game and then go to the game, tailgate after and head home. Well we did a TTC cycle in the fall and I was so sure it was going to work that I had it all planned out in my head that we would tell them the good news at the game. I even had our Christmas card/pregnancy announcement all planned out around this game. Well I was bummed when it didn’t work and I thought I would have enough time to mentally prepare for it. Then K had to cancel on the tailgating…so that was a bummer. Then the morning of the game she called and my poor little niece (her daughter and the flower girl from our wedding) was sick and they weren’t sure they would make it. And K was sick. So add all that to an already emotional me and oiy not good! Well we eventually get to the game and for the past few days I had been asking DH if we could get our picture taken near the field wearing Santa hats and use it as a Christmas card but long story short once we got there he said no. He didn’t want his picture taken in front of all those people. I about lost it. Finally I decided enough we enough and I was just going to enjoy the day (and hopefully a win) and I put my “good attitude pants” on and had a good time. Until 3rd quarter when the 13 year old behind me puked all over me. Not even kidding. About 2 minutes before she yakked on us K said “oh my the girl behind you just puked” and the mom didn’t even take her out to the bathroom, instead she let her sit there and then projectile puke onto the people in front of her. It was the grossest feeling in the world. All of a sudden I feel this smattering of warmth on my back and then cold as it soaks through my jersey, my long sleeve t-shirt, my tank top and my bra strap. It was in my pants, my underwear, and my hair. It got on and in my purse, my pom pons, my camera, and my Santa hats and on K. The mother never once apologized. K and I went to the bathroom to try to wash it off as much as we could (and I needed to strip down to my hoodie – thank goodness I had my zip up sweatshirt on the chair next to me under all my other stuff that got puked on). I guess the Mom and daughter sat there for quite a while before finally going to the bathroom. So the last 1 ½ quarters of the game were essentially ruined. It was horrible. No it was worse than that. (OK maybe I am being a little over dramatic).
So as you can see…this weekend was not on my top 10 of weekends. Huh. Hopefully things turn around. They’ve gotta, right?
Monday’s are my weigh in day. My Dr. wants me to lose between 25 and 40 lbs. before we can try again. So I started Weight Watchers in September…my sister lost over 110 lbs. on WW since January 2009 so I figured if she can do that I can do 25 – 40 lbs.! Then WW went and changed their points plan to pointsplus and I don’t like the changes. Not one bit. I was just getting the points down and they go and change it. So last week was my “f---it” week and I didn’t try very hard. So this morning I was scared to death to get on that scale…but I did and you know what…I was down 1.5 lbs. from last Monday! That’s 19 total since September 9! So things might just be starting to look up…I sure hope so!
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