Grandmas...

One of the hardest things for me is to be patient.  I’ve always been a very impatient person and even more so with IF.  I have a hard time with the fact that we can only “try” once a month and that each month we “fail” brings me that much closer to being too old.  I have a hard time waiting to “try” again until I lose enough weight and know that I am doing all I can to lose the weight in a healthy way so that it stays off…but it just doesn’t happen quick enough for me.  Nothing in this IF journey happens quick enough for me.  The other thing that makes it really hard for me to be patient during all of this is that there are two ladies out there longing to be Grandmothers just as much as I long to be a mother!  My mom and my MIL.  Normally I would not worry so much about their having to wait but in both cases neither of them are well and I worry that if this doesn’t happen soon one or both of them won’t be around to meet their grandchild(ren). 

My Mom has COPD, emphysema, Type II Diabetes, amongst other things.  I’ve noticed she has really gone downhill the past year or so.  Her Dr. has told her she needs to be on oxygen full time now.  For the past two years or so she has been on oxygen just when she was at home and at night when she sleeps but now she needs to have portable oxygen with her wherever she goes.  Simple things like vacuuming and sweeping, going up stairs, being out in the cold or heat, walking from the house to the car in the garage are hard for her to do now.  I don’t think she’s in any immediate danger of passing away but I want her to be able to enjoy her grandchild(ren) and get to know them. 

My MIL has MS and is confined to a wheel chair and only has very limited use of her arms – basically enough to itch her nose or push up her sunglasses.  She also has a tumor growing on her brain that has caused her to go blind.  And over the past 6 months she has been rushed to the ER for seizures and for the past week has been in the hospital.  She had a grand mal seizure while there and the Drs are pretty certain she has been having smaller seizures off and on for quite some time.  They think it’s the tumor growing but because of her MS treatments such as radiation, chemotherapy and surgery aren’t really options as her body probably can’t handle any of them.  Isn’t it enough that she’ll never be able to see or hold her grandchildren… 

It deeply saddens me and breaks my heart that it is a real possibility that if we do ever have children one or both of them might never meet their grandchildren.  How is this fair to them or our future children?!?!

Why do we, our entire family, have to go through this?  Why???