11th day and hand surgery

11 days and still no AF.  I did it…I broke down yesterday and bought a HPT and when I woke up at 4 am this morning with my bladder about to burst I POAS.  It was negative.  It wasn’t the end of the world and it actually didn’t even get me down.  I think I knew it was going to be negative, as much as I hoped for the opposite, I think deep down I knew.  So here we are almost 12 hours later and no AF.  I truly thought my little trick would work…I thought buying a HPT (actually I bought 4 since it had a mail in rebate on the package if you buy two 2 packs) would make her come.  When it didn’t 12 hours later I thought peeing on it would cause her to show her face.  It’s now 12 hours later and now I don’t know what to do.  I want to call my RE but I don’t want to jump the gun.  I don’t want to be a pain.  So I’ll wait until Monday morning – that will be day 15. 

I just don’t understand.  Provera ALWAYS induces AF.  And last month she came on her own.  Why isn’t she showing her face?  What the heck is going on?  Maybe it is God teaching me more about a little virtue called patience. 

I met with my hand surgeon yesterday and he was ok.  He confirmed I needed surgery in my right wrist but not yet my left.  I asked him if we could do it right away, explaining that we are doing IF treatments and I didn’t want to have surgery if I was even remotely pregnant and that I didn’t think if I did get pregnant this month that I could wait until after the baby was born (especially since carpal tunnel usually gets worse in pregnant ladies).  He said we could do it at the very first opening on his schedule.  Thank you Lord!  I originally scheduled it for next Wednesday but called and moved it today to Monday the 11^th.  I have a busy weekend next weekend – a cousin getting married, spending time with my “niece” and “nephew” and I just didn’t think having a bum hand would be ideal.  I also realized that I wouldn’t be able to do my hair or make up for the wedding so waiting a few more days wouldn’t kill me.  Besides I haven’t even gotten AF yet and we don’t start monitoring until CD12 so I know the 11^th will not interfere with the trying.  He agreed to sedate me!  Thank you again Lord!  I just don’t think I could have handled being wide awake with only a local – from what I’ve heard you can feel the tugging, pulling and snipping and if you don’t listen to your iPod you can hear all sorts of things.  I just don’t do so good with medical stuff.  So 12 days from now I’m having my first ever surgery…unless wisdom teeth removal counts?!?!  I can’t work for 1 – 2 weeks after and when I do return to work I have to take it easy on my hand.  I can’t lift anything more than 15 pounds, pull, pinch, push, etc. for 6 weeks after.  Wondering if that means I can’t vacuum or dust or do laundry or grocery shop…I think I might milk this for all it’s worth!  Walleye has no idea what’s about to hit him!  Although in all honesty I’ll probably be doing all those things well before the 6 weeks is up.  It’ll drive me nuts not to!  The only thing I am really bummed about is Walleye has a huge deadline on the 15^th and no vacation left (darn fishing) so he wants me to have my Father In Law take me to the surgery, wait for me, take me home after and then spend the afternoon “babysitting” me until he gets home from work.  I wanted to ask my sister to come up but Walleye sort of freaked out…saying we were going to have to spend the two days prior with her down at my parents and then she’d be here Sunday night and Sunday night is our hang out night and we always spend Sunday night together.  Are you kidding me?!?!  But my FIL is retired and local so I guess it makes the most sense.  And really I’ll probably just sleep all day after so I wouldn’t really get to hang with my sista much anyways.    

Please God, let AF show up soon!  I don’t think my patience can take much more testing!

Seriously, any day now!

AF can knock at my door any time now!  My last Provera pill was taken on Sunday, 3.20.11 – which would be 9 days ago! In the past she’s arrived between 6 – 8 days after the last pill.  Granted I am only one day past the longest she’s taken to arrive and that it can take up to 14 days but come on already!  I just want to get this cycle started.  Have I mentioned I am a rather impatient person!  I am just so ready for the sore ta-tas to be done.  To not eat everything in sight (it is wreaking havoc on my WW plan).  To not go to the bathroom constantly to double check I haven’t missed her arrival.  To just move on to the next step! 

Of course her impending arrival is causing me to get lost in baby daydreams…constantly!  I am trying so hard to not to go there but more often than not I can’t stop that one little sentence from running through my brain.  You know the one…”Maybe she’s not here yet because you’re pregnant!”  Then when that sentence does slip through it is usually followed by “I should pick up a HPT on my way home from work – just to double check.”  I just know though that the moment I do that she will laugh in my face and show up hours, if not minutes, later!  Hey – maybe I should test just to get her here – like in a restaurant when you are waiting and waiting for your food to show and you know that going to the bathroom will make it arrive faster and sure enough you go and come back and your food arrived right after you left the table! 

In other news…I am meeting with a hand surgeon tomorrow to discuss carpal tunnel surgery.  A month or so ago I had the EMG (yuck!) which found my right hand has carpal tunnel but my left doesn't yet.  (Or least the left is not bad enough to require surgery yet.) And after that I have a dentist appointment.  Why on earth did I think to schedule those both on the same day?!?!  As if one appointment wasn’t bad enough.  Then I realized that tomorrow night is the night I am supposed to meet L (my BIL’s gf) to work on First Communion invites for her daughter.  I suppose I should look at it as getting all the “icky” things done in one day instead of ruining three separate days.  Maybe I should see if Walleye can meet me for lunch before my appointment to brighten the day a little bit! 

Weekend to myself, working with L and bried cycle update (if you call it an update)

Walleye is off fishing with his buddies for the weekend again....apparently it is the LAST ice fishing trip of the season but I'll believe that one when I see it!  I love Walleye dearly but it has been nice having the weekend to myself.  Having been single and independent for so much of my life once I met Walleye I missed having these weekends...where I could sleep in, watch girl-y movies, eat cereal for every meal, scrapbook, shop, etc.  As much as I am enjoying myself I already can't wait for tomorrow evening when he comes home (mainly because I miss him but also partly because I can't wait to see his reaction when he sees I cut 6 1/2 inches off my hair on a whim this morning!). 

So after work yesterday I ran out to my in-laws (they live in the country about 10 minutes out of town) to drop off Walleye's wool over coat for the son of one of my MIL's aides.  Then went back to town to run errands and pick up a few chick flicks from Redbox.  Well turns out my phone was still on silent from work and I missed a call from an unknown local number.  When I listened to the voicemail I about keeled over...it was my BIL's gf "L".  She said she needed to ask me something and to please call her back.  I'll be honest I waited another hour at least to call her back as I had no idea what she wanted to what I would say to her.  I thought maybe she wanted me to watch the kids or see if I could take my MIL to Mass on Sunday or then I got all paranoid and thought maybe she had somehow found my blog (no one, not even Walleye knows about my blog) and had read the post where I vented about her.  So finally I called her back and turns out she wanted to ask me to help her make invitations for her eldest daughter's First Communion.  How in the world could I say no to a request like that...I mean I LOVE to craft, it shows that I am "trying" when it comes to L, but most importantly it was something to help her daughter get her First Communion.  So heaven help me, next Wednesday night L and I are getting together to start designing and making invitations. 

On cycle news...there really isn't anything of note to report...I am still PMS-ing a bit - sore tatas, constant craving for salt and chocolate (hence my last two meals have consisted solely of McD's french fries and Reese's mini pb cups) - but at least the crabbiness has seemed to have subsided.  Thankfully!  I am still feeling a little bit of pressure and random quick piercing pains on my right side but not near as much as last weekend.  I am on day 6 after ceasing the Provera so any day now AF shall arrive. 
With that I am off to watch another chick flick! 

Anyone know how to evict Old Man Winter?

So we’ve had quite the snow storm over the past 18 hours or so and will continue to be in a winter storm warning until 7 pm tonight.  Just when we had only a few scattered piles of snow left here and there.  I guess on the bright side the majority of our snow had already melted so this stuff should melt faster…at least that’s what I keep telling myself. 

The university cancelled classes until 10 am but all offices were to open as usual – never mind every single school in the area, including two other area colleges were closed for the day.  The technical college in town cancelled classes until 10 am as well.  Really?!?!  They couldn’t just close for one stinkin’ day?   The drive in was not fun (and I live in town) and before that treacherous drive I spent over an hour shoveling the driveway.  Our street was not plowed until after 8 am and of course the minute I reach the end of the driveway the plow comes through and makes a knee high ledge at the end of the driveway that I then had to shovel away.  Shortly after I got done with that a city bus got stuck not 100 yards from my driveway.  I’m thinking if a city bus gets stuck outside my house it’s a good sign that I shouldn’t go into work.  But alas, I went in and hated every minute of the 30 minute drive (which normally takes me 15 at most!).  Then I get to the shuttle station (I have to take a shuttle from my assigned parking lot up to the main campus) and I have to wait 30 minutes for a shuttle (which normally I wait 5 minutes or less).  Needless to say this already PMSing girl was extremely crabby by the time she actually got to her office! 

It wouldn’t have been so bad if Walleye didn’t have to plow at 3 am and would have been home to shovel the driveway or at least help me.   (Don’t feel too sorry for him – he doesn’t need to plow – he does it to help his brother out but mainly because he likes to!)  We sort of have this unspoken deal that I do the housework inside and he does the outdoor work, i.e. mowing, watering, seeding, shoveling, etc.  So now since I had to shovel the extremely wet and heavy snow for well over an hour this morning and will most likely have to shovel again when I get home I think Walleye owes me a good old housecleaning!  (Did I mention I am PMSing and have these irrational thoughts pop into my head sometimes?)  

Why again do we choose to live in MN?  Old Man Winter needs to get the hint that he’s just not welcome in these here parts anymore!!!

In cycle news…in addition to the PMSing (easily irritated, crabby, irrational thinking, constant craving for chocolate and junk food - thus eating, eating and more eating), my ta-tas are getting rather tender and sore to the touch.  Sunday and Monday I had sharp twinges and pains in my ovary area every so often – especially Sunday late afternoon/evening. So I am assuming AF should be here within the week – which is right on par from when I finished the Provera.  I just don’t remember the PMSing, sore ta-tas and ovary area pains this close to the end of Provera in past cycles.  But then again there were only a few cycles of that and they were a while ago so I might not be recollecting the facts and timing accurately.  I wish I was more regular so I could figure out the timing for this coming cycle.  I am such a planner that not knowing is really hard on me.  I am really hoping the baby dancing is not supposed to happen the weekend of April 9 as we have to head back to my parents for the weekend for my cousin’s wedding.  Even though I am married I just don’t know about baby dancing at my parents’ or my brothers’ houses.  (Not sure if we are staying with my parents or my bro that weekend.) 

Dear God, Please give me patience and acceptance of my BIL's girlfriend!

I’ll start with my cycle update…I took the last of the Provera yesterday.  Now it’s just a waiting game for AF to show up.  I believe she should come a knockin’ in about 7 – 10 days.  I am having a really hard time getting back on the WW train.  I was really bad this weekend and then today even worse.  I have no willpower when it comes to sweets and things I shouldn’t eat.  Maybe I should start using the “Facebook prayers” for helping me with my lack of willpower and to get back on track!  I just hope this lack of willpower doesn’t hinder the potential success of this cycle.  So if ya’ll wouldn’t mind saying a little old prayer for me, my willpower and getting back on the WW train I’d really appreciate it!

It was a crazy fast weekend.  Friday night we went to a fish fry with my FIL, brought fish back for my MIL and spent the evening visiting with them.  Saturday my husband decided to go ice fishing.  I was not thrilled, and am in fact still not thrilled.  But I sucked it up and ended up meeting my aunt, cousin and “niece” and “nephew” for lunch.  It was great to see them and I just love them all to pieces.  My nephew has taken a strong liking to me lately.  One day he got mad because he couldn’t have a cookie because he didn’t finish his supper and he tried telling my cousin (his mom) that I would let him (he’s not even 3 yet!).  Then Friday night he didn’t want to go to bed until my cousin told him that when he gets up in the morning he gets to see me and he right away said “ (my name) up!  Oh.  Night, night mommy.“ and then kept repeating my name and laid right down.  Sunday before my friend/stylists baby shower we went to mass with my MIL, BIL, his GF and her brood of kids.  After Mass we went over to my in-laws for lunch.  Just when I thought I was starting to finally accept my L (my BIL’s GF) we have an encounter with her like yesterday.  I have written about her in the past and she has not changed at all since then!

It is her two youngest kids’ birthdays next week so my FIL was nice enough to get them each a gift.  (I would have but I didn’t find out about their birthdays until this weekend and after yesterday all they are getting is a card.)  Well the kids open their gifts and neither said thank you or even appeared to appreciate them.  L (my BIL’s GF) didn’t even attempt to get them to say thank you and didn’t say thank you herself.  My FIL didn’t have to get these kids a gift but he’s far more generous and accepting than I am.  He took the initiative to go out and get these kids a gift – kids he barely knows – and no one has enough gratitude to say thank you.  Not even my BIL!  Well the eldest daughter takes one look at the gifts and says that they are baby toys so the soon-to-be 5 year old immediately doesn’t like or want either gift.  L does nothing with the situation – she doesn’t tell the girls that it was nice of my FIL to get them gifts, or that they are fortunate to get birthday gifts…nope she says nothing.  I was furious.  Walleye (my new nickname for DH on my blog) and I looked at each other completely appalled!  My FIL felt so bad he went upstairs and got the receipt so they could exchange or return the gifts and she still didn’t acknowledge it.  It took all I had not to say anything.  Believe me I wanted to!  Then during lunch the two eldest girls wouldn’t even try the Mexican lasagna (it’s super fantastic!) because it didn’t look good to them.  They kept saying they didn’t like it (even though neither of them tried it or had ever had it before).  My BIL tried telling them that they needed to at least try it and if they didn’t he would save it until they were hungry enough to eat it but right away L says “they’ll never eat it,  just throw it.” and gave them each a cupcake.   Seriously!!!  I know I’m not a Mom and getting kids to eat things is hard but when I was growing up we at least had to make an effort and give it a few bites and if we didn’t like it we didn’t eat anything until the next meal – no dessert, no treats, nothing. None of them thanked my in-laws for the meal and none of them helped clean up or even offer to help with dishes or anything.  I did try to subliminally make my point by thanking my in-laws for the meal (which I do always) but I went a little over the top and said it a few times, making sure L and her kids were around each time I did…hoping they’d get the hint, which they didn’t.  It just frustrates me.  The entire situation surrounding L frustrates me.  And the kicker is I’ve been invited over for lunch with all of them again next week after 10 am Mass and Walleye will be ice fishing so it’ll just be me!  I might have to go to 8 am Mass instead!

The thing that makes me the most mad and frustrated about this entire situation is the poor kids.  They didn’t ask for a life like this.  It’s not their fault and they don’t know any better because they’ve never been taught proper etiquette or been disciplined.  As much as it pains me to hope and pray that L and my BIL stay together I do because I can see what a positive influence he is and how he is helping make their lives better.  He’s responsible for getting them to Mass every week, getting them baptized into the church and teaching about the importance of religion on one’s lives.  He’s trying to discipline them when needed and giving them chores around the house (oh L and my BIL moved in together a few months back – yes already after less than 6 months of dating – but that’s a story for another day).   So as much as I dislike L and wish they weren’t together I think in the long run, and hopefully it is the long run, this might just be best for the kids.  Now if only I could keep telling myself that every time I get jealous that she’s been blessed with so many kids or when I get frustrated with her or the situation. 

What did I get myself into?

I have a slight addiction to Caribou Coffee and Facebook (well ok, slight might be too meek of a word to describe my Facebook addiction…complete might be a better choice).   So, I figured for Lent this year I would give up both…yes, BOTH of my vices!  Gasp!  What was I thinking!  In the past I’ve done chocolate milk (before WW I would have at least a glass a day) or pop or ice cream but I wanted to mix it up this year and try something that I knew would be hard for me.  I just had no idea what I was in for!

The Caribou Coffee hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be.  Especially considering I have one on campus and connected to my office by skywalk.  I really thought it’d be hard to go without my 10 am Berry Milk Mocha made with skim milk, sugar free syrup, no whip nor chocolate covered coffee beans, but it’s really not.  Unless of course I am in a meeting with someone and they come strolling in, sipping coffee from a Caribou cup.  Or I run into a coworker on their way to get their daily fix!

Facebook, well that’s been extremely hard!  Before this week I never realized the extent to which I was on it.  I am going through serious withdrawal.  (I can’t believe I am admitting that! It’s JUST Facebook, right!!!))  I cannot even begin to count the number of times I have absent-mindedly typed it into the browser.  Thankfully I realize what I am doing before actually logging in!  I feel completely disconnected with my friends and family.  I feel out of "the know" or "the loop".  I miss wishing people a happy birthday or what not on their pages.  And to make matters worse my good friend/like a sister/cousin who thinks she’s so funny and texts me that she just sent me a message on Facebook but that she just realized I can’t read it until Sunday and when I ask her what it said she tells me I have to wait.  Until Sunday.  Three days from now.  I am sure it is some adorable picture of my niece and nephew or something cute one of them said and having to wait is killing me!  Killing me!

I have decided though to use each time I go to the page or think about logging on as an opportunity to pray.  My prayer quota is going to triple or more likely quadruple between now and Easter!  (But that’s a good thing!) 

Gearing up for the next cycle and cruddy weekend

Started Provera yesterday, for 7 days and then within 10 days after that AF should come a knockin’ leading to Femara and U/S monitoring and hopefully….  Trying not to get my hopes up too high for this coming cycle but it sure is hard not to! 

It was a cruddy weekend.  I was so excited that this would be our first weekend at home, together, I don’t even remember how long.  You see, DH is an avid fisherman and is gone almost every weekend from first ice to last (more on his fishing addiction in a future post!).  I had planned to try a new WW recipe, penne alla vodka, for supper Friday night but DH’s good friend asked him to go four wheeler shopping with him that night so I got to spend my Friday night cleaning the dang house and hanging out just me and the two cats.  No biggie, figured Saturday day or Sunday day/evening we could spend some time together.  Maybe do something fun.  We had a Surprise 30^th birthday party for one of best DH’s friends on Saturday night so I knew Saturday night was out.  Well Saturday morning at 7:45 a.m. my Dad calls to tell me he brought my Mom into the ER the night before as she was not able to breath and that she was going to be in ICU for a few days.  I’ve written about my Mom’s health problems before.  Well, she got really sick about 6 weeks ago, was in the hospital for a while and hasn’t seemed to be able to recover, which we found out it will take her at least 6 months to get back to her normal.  (Which her normal far from everyone else’s normal).  So DH and I got in a huge fight over heading to visit my Mom and for the rest of the day every little thing irritated one or the other of us.  We finally head to the hospital and spend the afternoon with her.  By the time we left you could tell she was exhausted and needed to rest and not have company any more.  Well we fought on our way back – I was super crabby and still upset having to see my Mom like that and DH didn’t seem to be very sensitive to what I was going through.  Which with his Mom as ill as she is you would think he’d get it.  Anyways so we get home and quick get ready and head to the birthday party.  So Saturday was shot.  Well Sunday comes and we both oversleep and miss Mass.  Then I find out that DH and his buddy had a brilliant idea at the birthday party to spend Sunday working on their four wheelers and doing some riding.  Needless to say he was gone all day, got home at 6:00 only to tell me he still had to go plow (he plows part time for his brother and we had gotten a couple inches of snow on Friday night/Saturday morning so he had to go plow a few businesses before Monday morning).  So finally about 8 pm DH got home and we got to hang out, which half of those couple of hours was his falling asleep on the couch.  Yes, we got to spend Saturday together but really, does that count between the driving, the stress of worrying about my mom and the fighting…I don’t think so.  So between the fight, Mom in the hospital and him being gone so much it was so not the weekend I had hoped for.   Oh and the icing on the cake…first thing DH asks me yesterday was if we had any plans for this coming weekend as he wants to get out fishing…like it had been so horribly long since the last time he was on the ice.