His voice...

tonight will be one month since the last time I heard Duckie's voice.  One whole month.  How can that be?  He was interviewed on the local news a few years back about his job - it's on my DVR.  Locked, so it can't be deleted.  I have a voicemail from him on my cell phone from this fall.  I hit save every time I get the noticed it's about to expire.  I haven't watched or listened to either yet, I am not sure I can but I am keeping them so I never forget his voice.  Thankfully I can still hear when I remember him.  But it's only been a month...already been a month.

Saturday will be one month since he passed away and the last time I ever saw his earthly body. 

This past month has been a blur.  The first few weeks after he passed away I don't remember much and what I do remember I can't tell you what happened when - days seem to have melded together into one long, exhausting, nightmarish day. 

What I do remember is the outpouring of love, support and prayers myself and my family have received. 

I never before in my life have felt the prayers of loved ones, friends, family and even perfect strangers as strong as I have this past month.

And for that I am grateful.

As much as Lucky has helped me get through this, the love, prayers and support of others have as well. 

There have been so many nice gestures - food being given to us, flowers/plants, memorial donations, a gift card to a local nursery, trinkets, phone calls, emails, texts, hugs and prayers. 

I got an out-of the-blue call from a friend whom I hadn't seen in months, the other day.  She wanted to get together and have drinks or dinner.  I know she's busy and lives almost an hour from me. 

The flowers Walleye brought me the other day because I was having a sad day.  Purple and pink daisies. 

The "Beloved Brother" stone my dear friend gave me this week. The day after I got a gift card to the local nursery where we plan on buying some bushes or a tree in honor of Duckie.  And now that stone can go by whatever we purchase.

The random "thinking of you today"  or "how are you doing" texts and emails I get from various people any given day. 

The list could go on and on.  It helps, it may hurt or bring me to tears at the time but it helps. And I am truly grateful. 

But dang it I still miss him.  And it still hurts so much.  Please tell me it gets easier?