God's plan and ever perfect timing

During our IF struggles I clung to what so many others were telling me – that God has a plan and if his plan includes a baby for Walleye and I it would be in his time and that timing would be perfect.  I tried so hard to hold onto, to believe it and to be comforted by it. 

To be honest once we got pregnant I didn’t really think much more about it.  I was grateful for Lucky and realized that we were pretty “lucky” in that we only had to wait not quite a year and a half when others have had to wait so much longer. 

I enjoyed every minute of my pregnancy and have enjoyed every day of the last 10 months since Lucky was born.  Not really ever thinking about the timing but always being thankful He answered our prayers and made us parents.

We got pregnant a few months after Duckie found out about the cancer.  My sister and I talked a few times about how thankful we were to have my pregnancy to help bring joy and excitement for our family when talking about the future.  We both felt it was just what our family needed during such a sad time.  It was a glimmer of hope and joy for the future.

Once Lucky was born I didn’t really give it much more thought.  Even when we got bad news that his year of three times a week shots didn’t work, and each time we heard the cancer had spread again. Each time a treatment failed.  Lucky was always there and was always a bright spot in my day but I didn’t really think about the timing of everything.

Even the blur of the first few days and weeks after Duckie passed away we all said we were thankful for the distraction Lucky brought but it really didn’t dawn on me until yesterday.  I don’t know why yesterday, not quite a month to the date of Duckie’s passing, but yesterday it really hit me how perfect God’s plan is.    

I honestly don’t know what my family and I would have done this Christmas without her.  I just can’t help but truly believe that all along God knew that we needed her, at the age she is now, to get us through Christmas – and quite honestly Duckie’s courageous battle with and eventual death from cancer.

She is at such a fun age right now.  Her smile can melt even the coldest of hearts.  She’s showing her personality more and more each day.  She didn’t quite “get” Christmas this year but she was a lot more fun than, say a 2 month old would have been.  (Nothing against 2 month olds!) She’s hitting new milestones – more teeth, crawling, self-feeding bits and pieces, etc – and they are fun (well ok maybe not the teething!) and exciting and for just a minute they help me forget the huge hole in my heart.