My Mom sent an email to her siblings last night and bcc'd myself and my siblings and in the email it explained that she had been to visit her Mom, my Grandma, and that Grandma did not have a very good week. They tried to wake her 4 times when my Mom was there and it didn't work - finally when she did wake up she wouldn't stay awake for long. The nurses at the home said she had been like that all week and when they would get her up she would get the shakes. Grandma doesn't want any sort of medical intervention, which I completely respect. She is 89 years old and has lived a full life.
I am feeling selfish. I have been praying so hard since I got the email that she makes it until Lucky arrives and I can get down there (it's two hours away) for Lucky to meet her and her to meet Lucky (her 18th Great Grandchild). I am not ready to let my last Grandparent take their journey on to heaven. I so badly want one of those 4 generation pictures with my Grandma, Mom, me and Lucky. Everytime I think any of those thoughts I immediately feel bad because they are centered around me. What I should really be praying for is that Grandma is not in any pain (which I don't believe she is), her soul and her journey to heaven. But I just can't. I can't seem to let go of this fear that she'll pass away before I am ready. How self centered is that? Even knowing I shouldn't be thinking about that I can't stop myself.
We are 5 days from due date but the Dr is pretty certain we will go late. I have an appointment with him today so we will see if there is any further progression from Monday.
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